


Missing Pages

by Fernajen



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Brain Damage, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 06:50:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernajen/pseuds/Fernajen
Summary: Jacen winds up in a psychiatrist's office after spontaneously running away from class. He doesn't know why he did it. Or what's wrong with him.





	Missing Pages

"So, you don't remember why you took off in the middle of class?" asked doctor... what's her name. The doctor was thin woman, with squinting eyes that always tried to decode those around her, and she clutched her datapad as though her muscles were attracted to it. All this served to remind Jacen of a bird of prey. 

"I don't remember leaving, much less the why." Jacen was beginning to regret telling his mother about his last blackout. This was the first time he'd ever done something crazy during one of them. 

"Yes, but you might remember making the decision, but not the implementation of it." The doctor had a high pitched nasally voice.

"In that case, no. No, I don't remember thinking 'I’m going ditch class, and play hooky in some strange and boring place that's filled with nothing but warehouses. I've never been there. It must be the place to go!'"

The doctor leveled him with a flat stare. She seemed to consider saying something, but thought better of it. "Have you suffered any injuries recently?"

"I stubbed my toe yesterday."

Her eyes flashed, "Head injuries, Mr Syndulla."

Mr Syndulla. How... formal. "No." And considering how long these blackouts had been happening, he seriously doubted it would've had anything to do with, well, anything.

"Are you sure? I know how young men at your age sometimes are. You might have been having a friendly tussle with one of your friends and-"

"I'm sure." Jacen said firmly, "Unless it happened during a different blackout."

The doctor whipped her head up. "Have you had other blackouts? Your mother seemed to be under the impression that this was your first one."

"Yes." Jacen shrank back in his chair. He hadn’t meant to tell the doctor that. He'd been having these blackouts since he was little. Well, blackout wasn't quite the right word. He would see a vivid picture in his mind's eye. During that, he would clean his room or do his homework. He was never cognisant of it in the interim. At first, he didn't realize that there was anything strange about it. It wasn't until he got older that he discovered that it wasn't normal. Of course, he didn't say anything, because he was scared of people being afraid of him. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

"You probably thought it was your imagination." The doctor muttered to herself. "How long do you think this has been going on? A week? A month?"

"I don't know."

"Give me an estimate. It doesn't need to be perfect."

"Ah, um," His mother was going to kill him... he should tell her first. "It's not important."

"Mr Syndulla, I can't help you if you won't work with me. How long?"

Jacen stared down at the ground for a moment, hesitating. "Since I was little." he whispered, mortified by how long he'd let this problem fester.

"Jacen," The doctor asked meaningfully, "Is there anything going on at home that I should know about?"

"Huh?" Jacen's eyes went round. "What? No! No."

"Because, if there is..."

"Nothing like that happens. I promise."

She nodded, seeming to accept his answer. "How did this go unnoticed for so long?" Her nasally voice was sharp.

"It usually happened when I doing things like chores and stuff.” Jacen ran his hand through his hair. “I mean, it was a little awkward when Mom would talk about how good of a job I did when I didn't remember doing it. But I didn't mind not remembering that stuff."

"Alright," She laced her fingers together. "This changes everything. I'm going to need to speak with your mother."

Jacen nodded, throat dry.

The doctor looked around, flexing her hands aimlessly for a moment, then grabbed a pad of paper with some archaic writing utensil. She held them out to Jacen. "Draw your feelings while you wait."

Jacen arched his eyebrow at her. 

"Humor me, while I speak with your mother."

Jacen took the drawing implements from her. He stared at the writing utensil. How was he even supposed to hold this thing? No matter; he'll just make a few scribbles to appease the good doctor. He scratched two lines into the paper-

Then, he was in space, without substance or spacecraft. Nothing but stars surrounded him - that is until a fiery red ball of light appeared from the distance and streaked by him. It was beautiful, magnificent even... but somehow wrong.

"Jacen?"

He looked up. He was back in the doctor's office again. The doctor had returned, along with his mother. 

"Jacen?" His mother asked again. Jacen realized she was holding his hands. 

"Yeah?" Jacen reclaimed his hands. 

"Have you really been losing time since you were little?"

Ashamed, Jacen nodded. He almost couldn't stand the compassion in his mother's eyes. 

"I'm sorry." Jacen craoked.

Hera shook her head. "No, it's not your fault."

"From what your mother has told me, it might actually be the Empire's fault."

Jacen blinked. What did they have do with anything? "What?"

"When your mother was pregnant with you, she was subjected to repeated electrical shocks which might have affected your development. Granted, it would be difficult to be sure - most cases like that end in miscarriage."

"I swear I didn't-" His mother began.

Jacen grabbed her arm. "It's okay." It had never clicked his mind that the Empire had technically subjected  _ him  _ to torture. He felt dumb for not realising it sooner. It wasn't like the story had been a secret. It was truly sickening, the more he thought about. He'd heard that the person interrogating his mother at first spent hours electrocuting her just for the fun of it. And, it seemed that Jacen had paid the price.  

"Ah, I see you took my advice," The doctor said looking down.

Jacen furrowed his brow before following her gaze. The pad of paper now bore a black and white sketch of his, for lack of a better word, vision. As the doctor admired it and his mother frowned at it, Jacen felt cold. He wasn't sure how he knew, but that red streak protended evil.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore possible ramifications for Jacen since there's no way Hera wasn't pregnant when Pryce kept zapping her. Since my google search didn't turn up anything for fetal zapping, I mixed what happens to adults and the force together.


End file.
